You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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