No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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