It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
