Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
