My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
