So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
