I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
