I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
