sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
