WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
