Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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