I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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