just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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