He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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