did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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