I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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