My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
