Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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