worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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