He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she peed on how many people?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
