Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
