I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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