so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
