Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
