just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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