Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
