So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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