Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
