Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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