My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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