I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
