i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
