just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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