Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
