dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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