We got so high we made milksteak
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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