You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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