just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
