the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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