also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
