could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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