i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
