it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
