Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
