So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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