oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
