literally had 100 drinks last night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
