I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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