FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
