i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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