He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
