I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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