I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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