A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
