did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
